don't ask for the bill

I should apologize for publishing a personal rant, trying to make it a literary work. But this is all personal here, it is life in a foreign land, with limited support, and still working on the operator/observer/participant. It is Friday the 13th, two days before the country's major elective process: president and all offices are up for grabs in two days. Campaigning was to end today, and a 'dry' day Saturday and Sunday, election day. I have been warned off the roads, and advised not to go to the next town for fear of inability to pass through...due to parties, protests, not really sure. I am brought full circle to the Dominican culture and found at last some sense of balance in integrating into this rural, poor, uneducated section of a corrupt country.It is the Dominicans that are driving the burro ( while talking on a cell phone.) My friend was recently 'taken' by a young man, in need of money. Instead of asking he made up a story, cashed her check and never returned. And he will return, and pretend nothing has happened, and life will continue, with new constraints, until all is forgotten, until someone takes his place, or until another need turns into a crisis. It is a needy place, and everyone seeks assistance one way or another.Expecting thanks, or a change in behavior, thinking that this small thing will improve their circumstances is the betrayal of genuine generosity. It happens, the second you impose your cultural values on another person. Even if that person claims to be ready for an evolutionary change, we are stupid and unrealistically hopeful we will make the difference, especially by giving money. Money buys nothing in this process. Nor is it a sufficient bandaid to stop the hemorrhage. In an effort not to sound judgemental, or like an UA(Ugly American) when there is a need, it is usually not life threatening , as food, electricity, and water are available to the general population in accessible ways. It is a debt, a retraction of fea/credit. Most times a 'loan' is requested and we have all given until it hurts. Once the debt is satisfied, however, it is erased from memory, it has no value and is simply forgotten with not a thank you or I am sorry... And the biggest mistake, made 100% of the time is to give alittle more, to ensure that next time history does not repeat itself. I have watched the excess shared rapidly through family, community, friends and neighbors...there is an urgency to use it up right away. Nothing is ever saved for a rainy day, an accident, illness or birthday. It slips through each hand and disappears. And yet, there is no stress, no ulcers, no pepto bismal or xanax needed for relief. It is like their temper, once expressed there is a fresh new moment , and smile, handshake or a kiss(but again, never I am sorry , or thank you.) It slips out the atmosphere, follows the money and is gone like a wisp of smoke . So they remain happy, easy going, and confident that whatever the day brings they will . Living in the moment, its a cross between Buddism, and hedonism. Sorrow, guilt, or manipulation are unneccesary, and are rarely expressed. It is a way to be that frees you from the cancers that plague us, that eat away at relationships and your gut. Spend that last 80 pesos on a beer, share it with your neighbor and then see what is cooking in the kitchen next door....maybe help your neighbor work on his moto, or watch the comings and goings of people in the road. It is relaxing, comfortable, and easy. And when I am asked now, I still give, because they are not ready for the stress of life as I know it, and why would I try to change them? but it is cut in half, or quartered and they have something to build on, even if it is for a beer bottle of gasoline for their moto, or an aspirin tablet at the pharmacy. I think I am coming out ahead, and each time we touch, alittle of them rubs off on me, and alittle white stuff falls to the ground.